Everyone has anxiety, right? Worrying and being anxious about certain things kinda comes hand in hand with motherhood. You worry about your children from the moment they’re born. Are they feeding enough? Pooing enough? Everyone worries.
I never realised anxiety could be something people actually suffered with or that would become a problem in day to day life.
Yet I am sitting here typing away, with a weird sick nausea feeling deep inside me that I can’t quite shake, and I don’t really know what has made me, or why I feel like this.
Also I don’t know if I am feeling sick because of the anxiety or I’m anxious because I feel sick? It’s one big cycle I think… which makes it hard to nip in the bud.
I can be feeling totally fine and ‘normal’ (dare I say it) and then all of a sudden it pops up when I’m least expecting it.
For example, earlier this week I was standing outside school with the pram waiting for the gates to open, listening to the birds chirping, feeling relaxed, happy and fine.
Out of nowhere I felt what can only be described as a hot bad feeling slowly creep up my body from my toes to my chest, like a massive weight of doom covering me. For no reason whatsoever. As soon as I realised it was happening my heart rate began to speed up and I felt like my face was going really red and hot. My first thought was that I was going to be sick, so I looked around for where I could be sick, standing in a busy crowd of parents. I tried to talk myself round and tell myself that I wasn’t going to be sick and I was fine. It wasn’t working for what felt like ages and ages (but was probably only seconds or minutes) and my internal panic was getting worse. I decided to pull out my old faithful calming technique, my hypnobirthing 20/20 breathing.
Almost straight away I felt the hotness and the ‘bad’ feeling easing off, my slow breathing worked again. To everyone else surrounding me outside the gates I was just standing there calm and normal, but inside I was in turmoil. I think it’s so odd that I could be feeling like that yet probably show no external signs of it at all. (Although I reckon my face was really red with panic!)
The funny thing is I wouldn’t describe myself as a particularly anxious person. These issues seem to have sneaked up on me gradually.
Is it just being a mum? Is it hormonal? Or neither?
This particular feeling of panic is happening more and more to me, randomly, along with feeling the ‘fight or flight’ response over seemingly small things. Also being on the verge of tears a lot of the time. For no apparent reason.
Also I’ve noticed I think about worse case scenarios a lot when there isn’t a likelihood of danger. Like cars mounting the pavement and hitting the kids as we walk along.
I’d love to hear others’ experiences of anxiety / panic and whether this is common amongst parents because life in general is more worrying now?