Peppa Pig First Cinema Experience – An Honest Review

Peppa Pig First Cinema Experience – An Honest Review

So, I took the 3 kiddos to see the Peppa Pig delightful cinema experience today and thought I’d give my view on it. Just for fun. *SPOILER warning* for those who don’t want to know the plot but I’m guessing everyone that is concerned about having it ruined for them is under 4 and not able to read this post. So we’re all good to continue!

Cons:

  1. Peppa Pig episodes back to back with annoying interludes of ‘interaction’. Need I say more?
  2. The interaction segments had two kids or midgets dressed up in really poor foam Peppa and George outfits. Their arms didn’t even move. When George Pig played a set of drums, it was hilarious and embarrassing for the poor pig. Even the 2 year old looked a bit unconvinced at this bit. Why did they not think of this? I mean lets stick someone in a really shite dress up costume with flappy uncontrolled arms and then make them play the drums. Who’s running this show? Donald Trump?
  3. ‘Daisy’ the annoying interlude girl (who is probably a lovely person, sorry Daisy actress it’s not personal) made us want to cut off our own limbs. No-one is that happy all the time. She’s possibly a relative of Topsy and Tim’s mum.
  4. Daisy is really bad at playing the hot and cold game. Like, whatever she was searching for was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER EYES and she couldn’t see it. Maybe get an actress with better eye sight next time.
  5. One episode showed George pig using Daddy pig as a surfboard. This gives unrealistic ideas to small kids who want to then stick their dads in the nearest ocean and sail to France. Not cool.
  6. One episode showed the bunch of kids, errr I mean, animal cubs, or whatever they are, visiting The Queen at BHam Palace, just rocking up and ringing the doorbell and then The Queen only comes out and STEALS A BUS AND TAKES THEM ON A GUIDED TOUR OF LONDON. Fucking brilliant. Thanks for that Peppa Pig makers. I’ll let you explain to these impressionable kids why we can’t just pop along to the palace and ask The Queen to come out for a coffee with us. FFS.
  7. During the same Queen episode the children had to watch in horror whilst Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth 2nd then drove said stolen bus over Tower Bridge WHILST THE BRIDGE WAS LIFTED UP and then hang off the edge of the bridge without seeming mildly alarmed, only telling them all to ‘move to the front of the bus’ to tip the bus forward and back onto safety. Now WHAT THE FUCK. It was like watching the film Speed when the doomed bus jumps the road where there’s a segment missing and you watch through your hands hoping they make it.
  8. One episode showed them visiting a Zoo. Normal right? Well no, actually because all the characters are bloody animals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So what on God’s Green Earth do they lock up for ANIMALS TO LOOK AT? I half expected them to go to various ‘Human’ enclosures and see them cooing over men, women and children, all naked and living in in nature. But no, just other animals. Confusing or what?
  9. I may have got this bit wrong and looked away or fell asleep, but I’m sure on one episode they showed them flying to Australia in an open top plane. Wrong.
  10. In same Australia themed episodes, some Kangaroo character threw a Boomerang and it smashed the neighbours window. They then proceeded to smash 2 more of this guys windows, and then said ooops we better be leaving now, and left the poor neighbour with 3 broken windows. When my kid goes around smashing windows I’ll be sending the bill to the Peppa Pig director man. Not cool. The dads could have at least had a row about who was to blame and maybe a punch up, made it all the more realistic for everyone.
  11. My 7 year old halfway through, whilst watching one of the entertaining songs turned to me in a serious fashion and said “Mum, this is more like a horror”. Nuff said bro.

Pro’s:

  1. We laughed
  2. I didn’t feel bad about the toddler singing, jumping, laughing and shouting
  3. We went to a ‘Mini Morning’ showing at Vue so it cost us £10 for 4 of us rather than the usual £890.
  4. I was able to sit down, in a dark room for an hour
  5. The Toddler only trapped his knee 15 times, tried to run away twice, threw his drink over the seat in front 18 times and screamed at the wrong moment perhaps 32 times.

All in all a GREAT SUCCESS!

Ps. Yes this is written in jest, for all the whingebags who will complain 🙂

Parent’s meeting at school FML

Parent’s meeting at school FML

Parent’s meeting attendance with your spirited pre-schooler.

These sort of things may happen to you during a parent teacher meeting:

  • Toddler screams
  • Toddler tries to escape room 32 times
  • Toddler successfully escapes twice
  • Toddler touches teachers leg 45 times
  • Toddler wants to ‘paint’ aka draw and screams ‘paint’ 98 times
  • Toddler hides under chair and won’t come out 5 times
  • Toddler wipes snot on chair
  • Toddler finds sharp pins and begins to play with them
  • Teacher laughs nervously every time toddler does all of the above
  • Toddler doesn’t give any fucks about his siblings progress at school, not one
  • Toddler hates you for bringing him to this boring room of no fun
  • Toddler doesn’t want to watch Peppa bloody Pig on your phone! for the first time ever
  • Toddler for the first time in history, doesn’t want snacks or to play with the handy crayons you brought to keep him occupied either….
  • Toddler becomes angel of all that is good and pure as soon as you leave the school and begin walking home

Handy tips:

  1. Leave toddler at home with a trusted adult to supervise them in your absence
  2. It’s your own fault for bringing toddler to the meeting
  3. Go home and cry into your tea about how your toddler is such a dick and makes you look like an even bigger dick of a mum

 

 

tea