Peppa Pig First Cinema Experience – An Honest Review

Peppa Pig First Cinema Experience – An Honest Review

So, I took the 3 kiddos to see the Peppa Pig delightful cinema experience today and thought I’d give my view on it. Just for fun. *SPOILER warning* for those who don’t want to know the plot but I’m guessing everyone that is concerned about having it ruined for them is under 4 and not able to read this post. So we’re all good to continue!

Cons:

  1. Peppa Pig episodes back to back with annoying interludes of ‘interaction’. Need I say more?
  2. The interaction segments had two kids or midgets dressed up in really poor foam Peppa and George outfits. Their arms didn’t even move. When George Pig played a set of drums, it was hilarious and embarrassing for the poor pig. Even the 2 year old looked a bit unconvinced at this bit. Why did they not think of this? I mean lets stick someone in a really shite dress up costume with flappy uncontrolled arms and then make them play the drums. Who’s running this show? Donald Trump?
  3. ‘Daisy’ the annoying interlude girl (who is probably a lovely person, sorry Daisy actress it’s not personal) made us want to cut off our own limbs. No-one is that happy all the time. She’s possibly a relative of Topsy and Tim’s mum.
  4. Daisy is really bad at playing the hot and cold game. Like, whatever she was searching for was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER EYES and she couldn’t see it. Maybe get an actress with better eye sight next time.
  5. One episode showed George pig using Daddy pig as a surfboard. This gives unrealistic ideas to small kids who want to then stick their dads in the nearest ocean and sail to France. Not cool.
  6. One episode showed the bunch of kids, errr I mean, animal cubs, or whatever they are, visiting The Queen at BHam Palace, just rocking up and ringing the doorbell and then The Queen only comes out and STEALS A BUS AND TAKES THEM ON A GUIDED TOUR OF LONDON. Fucking brilliant. Thanks for that Peppa Pig makers. I’ll let you explain to these impressionable kids why we can’t just pop along to the palace and ask The Queen to come out for a coffee with us. FFS.
  7. During the same Queen episode the children had to watch in horror whilst Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth 2nd then drove said stolen bus over Tower Bridge WHILST THE BRIDGE WAS LIFTED UP and then hang off the edge of the bridge without seeming mildly alarmed, only telling them all to ‘move to the front of the bus’ to tip the bus forward and back onto safety. Now WHAT THE FUCK. It was like watching the film Speed when the doomed bus jumps the road where there’s a segment missing and you watch through your hands hoping they make it.
  8. One episode showed them visiting a Zoo. Normal right? Well no, actually because all the characters are bloody animals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So what on God’s Green Earth do they lock up for ANIMALS TO LOOK AT? I half expected them to go to various ‘Human’ enclosures and see them cooing over men, women and children, all naked and living in in nature. But no, just other animals. Confusing or what?
  9. I may have got this bit wrong and looked away or fell asleep, but I’m sure on one episode they showed them flying to Australia in an open top plane. Wrong.
  10. In same Australia themed episodes, some Kangaroo character threw a Boomerang and it smashed the neighbours window. They then proceeded to smash 2 more of this guys windows, and then said ooops we better be leaving now, and left the poor neighbour with 3 broken windows. When my kid goes around smashing windows I’ll be sending the bill to the Peppa Pig director man. Not cool. The dads could have at least had a row about who was to blame and maybe a punch up, made it all the more realistic for everyone.
  11. My 7 year old halfway through, whilst watching one of the entertaining songs turned to me in a serious fashion and said “Mum, this is more like a horror”. Nuff said bro.

Pro’s:

  1. We laughed
  2. I didn’t feel bad about the toddler singing, jumping, laughing and shouting
  3. We went to a ‘Mini Morning’ showing at Vue so it cost us £10 for 4 of us rather than the usual £890.
  4. I was able to sit down, in a dark room for an hour
  5. The Toddler only trapped his knee 15 times, tried to run away twice, threw his drink over the seat in front 18 times and screamed at the wrong moment perhaps 32 times.

All in all a GREAT SUCCESS!

Ps. Yes this is written in jest, for all the whingebags who will complain 🙂

Eating Out with Young Kids

Eating Out with Young Kids

Now, you might be the sort of person who loves to dine out with your small humans. The words “shall we go out to eat” literally fill me with dread. I do not enjoy going out to eat with the kids. Unless it’s going to the drive thru. Which I’m sure doesn’t count as out to eat. Here’s why:

  1. My kids are fucking loud. They want to talk to me in detail about their itchy bum holes, their hatred for the world and ask questions that I cannot answer, very loudly, always in the presence of normal people. People who are looking at me like “ARE ALL THESE KIDS YOURS????”
  2. My kids eat like rabid wolves. So this isn’t ENTIRELY true but I feel like they do. Big boy always ends up with more food around his mouth than in it. Diva daughter dips her hair into some sauce. Toddler… well you can imagine.
  3. Toddlers don’t give any fucks about manners or decorum. They just do weird things like scream, shout, bang, throw food, shout MINE SPOON 234 times, and act like total dickheads. It’s like they know they need to be semi-normal and decide to test you when eating out. Come on mum, bet you can’t keep your cool whilst I throw a bowl of peas at you one by one can you? Silly bitch.
  4. My kids are fussy as fuck. They rarely eat a proper meal out, unless it’s chicken fucknuggets and chips. Even then the big boy child can’t stand chips. So just a plate of meat then. OK great!
  5. Kids always need to poo when you are in the middle of your main course. Sometimes, they all need to poo in quick succession, so I spend a good 45 mins in the toilet, like a weird pervert type person, just lingering around. I feel like I need a big sign on my head that says MY KID IS DOING ANOTHER SHIT! so everyone is aware I’m not just lurking in the bogs.
  6. One kid always knocks a drink over. Usually into a parent’s dinner. Or over their siblings food. They’ll never eat it now!
  7. Paying the bill feels wrong – like we are paying a LOT of money to be tortured by trying to get my feral children to ACT NORMAL whilst eating in front of other people for a couple of hours.
  8. You never enjoy your food. Well I don’t anyway. Imagine eating a slice of pizza whilst being hit over the head with a block of wood, whilst being spat at by someone with bad breath at the same time as smelling someones fart. The pizza isn’t so tasty now huh?
  9. I always end up resorting to phone babysitter for help! Toddler gets bored easily and after he’s had all the fun throwing shit around, screaming, and we’ve sang songs and played hand-games, I reluctantly get YouTube up on my phone and let him watch Peppa the Poxy Pig just for 10 mins peace and quiet. I can feel the eyes of the other diners boring into me as I eat “YOU CAVED IN! need a phone to entertain your child do you???”   Well yes I clearly do, fuckers!

On the very odd occasion myself and the husband dine out alone, we spend half the meal (OK more like 80%) talking ABOUT the kids, looking at pictures of them on our phones, and generally wishing they were there. So I’m clearly a glutton for punishment who is not happy with either set up! (Although eating out is a lot cheaper just the two of us! and I come home with less food in my hair. WIN!)

Anyone else? Or just me? I’d love to hear your funny eating out with kids stories…..

Breastfeeding isn’t the same for everyone

Breastfeeding isn’t the same for everyone

Today I have a guest post from my good friend, I will call her ‘2 Kids No Formula‘ on how her decision to Breastfeed affected her as a new mum.  Her 2 sprogs are now 7 and 4. Over to you 2KNF: *Hands over imaginary microphone*

“I found myself in that camp… where you eat moss and breastfeed…..

Did you ever realise that by having a baby you were going to make huge statements about your parenting orientation? No, me neither. I thought you’d whip this baby out and watch on lovingly while it grew up. Oh boy, how wrong I was. I fall into a very elite camp!

I am a hypnobirthing, breastfeeding, baby led weaning, front sleeping goddess who laboured for three days on no drugs. When I walk along the street my children glow full of my antibodies, a huge sign in neon lights above my head lights the moonlit after bedtime sky ‘hippy mother’. For miles around I am called upon to give my opinion on nipples and flow and whether your darling baby is getting enough milk, because I made it to that golden 1 year mark. But do you know… still no fucking medal in the post 7 years down the line!!!! I initially lap up the glory when we hit that emotive subject in the soft play, in-between shifting my darling child from one knee to the other so I can strain my teabag with one hand without shooting it across the table and scalding all the babies crawling around my feet; all because my sodding child wont actually venture into the soft child size boot camp.

Three other lovely mummies who I have found on my circuit of the baby classes sit round the table eagerly awaiting my input – how the hell did I make it to a year breastfeeding without my nipples dropping off??? Errr I don’t know… I basically persevered because I would rather my nipples dropped off in bed than actually crawl out of bed and venture downstairs waiting for bottles to ping in the microwave then spend 5 minutes cooling them under a freezing tap (this is pre Perfect Prep machine – like what the hell, has the inventor of this only just left school? All the inventors before him need to be sacked I think).

My story doesn’t have a very earth mother ring to it, and the three other mums smell weakness and pull rank on me, stating how unhappy their kids were until they shoved a bottle in their mouths. I am left feeling like a hippy again, one that starved my kids of thick yummy milk. But here’s the mental bit…. No matter your feeding orientation they still bloody alive, go figure!!!!

The problem with me is, I will do what I want, no health visitor pushing me to breast feed or lactation specialist being my best mate for the first month of my life will sway me, if my nipples had dropped off, that bottle would have been in my baby’s mush in a shot, but they didn’t.

My boobs however look like death, but I am planning to have enough children to save the money on formula to get them perked up a bit by a nice doctor….. and In that case I will take the drugs!!!”

 

For me, it was very different: I started by breastfeeding all 3 of my babies, but only for 3, 2 and 6 weeks respectively. I honestly found breastfeeding the worst part of having a baby. The pain from feeding was FAR worse than the pain of late pregnancy, childbirth, and recovering from third degree tears and infections afterwards (that’s a whole other post!)

With my first I had mastitis early on from a bad latch, really sore nipples because I didn’t know how to prevent it or help it, and I was too young/shy/scared to ask for help. Second baby had oral thrush and we passed it back and forth until I was so sore I couldn’t do it anymore. Third baby I probably had really bad vasospasm/raynaulds (so my breastfeeding guru friend told me!) and pain when feeding, he had minor tongue tie but with MAJOR pain. It was all over Christmas time and I didn’t want to ask for help, I thought he was my third baby I should bloody know better by now. I really enjoyed breastfeeding, the closeness the bond… but I just sucked at it. By 8 weeks all 3 of my babies were solely formula fed. I felt awful at first, but then I saw them thrive and develop and I’m happy with that. I still feel passionately about breastfeeding, but I just think every mum and baby experience it totally differently, no 2 babies or mums are the same. So I just say, feed your baby however you feed it, as long as it’s not Greggs sausage rolls (yet).

Breastfeeding.png

What are your experiences of the big Breast vs Formula?  Did you find judgement from the way you fed your baby?

CHRISTMAS REALITY WITH KIDS!

CHRISTMAS REALITY WITH KIDS!

So, it’s allllmost December. Up til now you would have been in one of 2 camps:

Camp 1: It’s not Christmas yet. Calm the f*ck down.
Camp 2: It’s the season to be jolly, ding a ling a long long, *vomits tinsel*

Anyway, even those in Camp 1 cannot deny that December is almost upon us and therefore it is ALMOST BLOODY CHRISTMAS YOU ABSOLUTE GRINCH!

For parents, Christmas is joyous, it’s the time of year when you get to see your darling children’s little faces light up at the magic and wonder. You get to feel the anticipation of the day and all the excitement over again from when you was a child yourself.

Sometimes, the reality of Christmas isn’t quite what we imagine when we plan it out in our heads. Especially when involving Toddlers. Please see list below. I write this to prepare you for the reality. You are not alone!

christmas

Expectation: Excited Christmas countdown
Reality: Hearing “How many more sleeps til Christmas?” every day for what seems like 87 days

Expectation: Old school advent calendar
Reality: Nowadays its Elf on the Fricking Shelf. Exciting for first few days, annoying after that. Especially when you forget to move the Elf and have to get out of bed to do it.

Expectation: Christmas wish list wrote by child
Reality: Christmas list wrote by child amounting to over £5,000 worth of gadgets. Erm, what happened to wanting a hula hoop and a board game?  Having to prepare child that Santa can’t get you a Playstation 4 for every single room in the house, sorry about that dear.

Expectation: Watching your child in the Christmas play at school. How magical.
Reality: Watching the top of your child’s forehead in the school play because they’re at the back and you can’t see their face because TALL STAN in the other class is in front of them.

Expectation: Yummy food to be shared by family – boxes of Christmas choccies, drinks, nibbles…. joy
Reality: Toddler doesn’t care if it’s Christmas and WILL eat all the celebrations before you get to even smell them. Lucky if any Christmas treats make it to mid-December.

Expectation: Buying all your gifts in the January Sales or throughout the year thus being very prepared for this yearly festive period.
Reality: Did I mention panic buying? Buying crap that they don’t need just for stuff to open, of course your child needs more marbles for their stocking!!!!!!!!!!!! BUY BUY BUY

Expectation: Buying perhaps a Festive Jumper for the kids to wear on the day
Reality: Child needs a costume for the school play, a jumper for jumper day, to wear red green, and a special shade of brown on another day, money for the Christmas party, snacks, and a heap of other crap that you could do without

Expectation: Happy days visiting friends and relatives
Reality: Tired kids, enduring Uncle Ian telling you a story that you’ve heard 34 times already, downing alcohol to make it all bearable

Expectation: SNOW… children frolicking and squealing in delight at the white wonder before them on Christmas day
Reality: Cold, soggy if you’re lucky. They want to go and play on their new bike/scooter/skates in the pissing rain. Beautiful!

Expectation: Buying gifts for loved ones and wrapping them with care
Reality: Panic buying in mass and wrapping in haste when you realise it’s the day before Christmas Eve and you still haven’t got your shit together!

Expectation: Taking kids to visit Santa in his grotto. A nice picture as a keepsake.
Reality: Standing in a queue for 158 minutes to see a man who doesn’t even resemble Santa… Kids are scared shitless and cry. Picture is laughable.

Expectation: A beautiful Christmas Tree and house decorated beautifully to fill you all with the season of goodwill
Reality: A tree that looks like a child decorated it BECAUSE THEY BLOODY DID and decorations that are all REALLY high up otherwise the Toddler eats them. Tree ends up on side quite a lot and you wonder if maybe it looks better that way?

Expectation: Waking the kids at 8am on the big day because you’re so excited and want to see them opening their presents already!
Reality: Kids wake you at 3:06am and you wonder how you’ll make it through the day

Expectation: Kids playing with new toys all day, happy, laughing and full of wonder and joy
Reality: Kids are over tired, excited, full of sugar, and ungrateful. Especially Toddlers.

Expectation: A fantastic dinner
Reality: Squeezed around a table, hard to eat without hitting people with your elbows. Kids would rather have a Happy Meal

Expectation: Children have lovely new toys / gifts
Reality: Where on God’s Green Earth am I going to put all this stuff????????

So from me to you on this chilly November day. Merry Christmas parents. Hang on in there 🙂 x x

 

www.theunsungmum.com

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