School Reports – what the Teacher REALLY means

School Reports – what the Teacher REALLY means

For those of you with school aged kids – you may shortly be getting their end of year report!

Here’s a handy guide to help you decipher what the teacher is actually trying to say.  You’re welcome.

Confident pupil = bossy

Always participates in class discussions = can’t shut them up

Works well in a group = gazes out the window and lets others do the work

Always helps others = always takes friends to the medical room

Working towards = can’t do it

Polite and friendly = asks what I had for dinner last night

Always tries his best = shame his best is likened to a goat writing stories with a pen in it’s mouth

Needs to focus more on the task in hand = throw the kid’s fidget spinner away, for the love of God

Could try harder = doesn’t try at all

Mature beyond his years = thinks they run the place

I hope they continue to build on this years success next year = Good luck to the teacher that has them next year, I hope they have the patience of a Saint

Is very interested in science = steals blue tac

Has been made class helper = likes to take home rubber bands and paper clips

It has been a pleasure teaching them this year = mum buys the best end of term present

OR

It has been a pleasure teaching them this year =  I am so happy the year is over I could dance around a campfire wearing only a grass skirt

 

 

 

 

Peppa Pig First Cinema Experience – An Honest Review

Peppa Pig First Cinema Experience – An Honest Review

So, I took the 3 kiddos to see the Peppa Pig delightful cinema experience today and thought I’d give my view on it. Just for fun. *SPOILER warning* for those who don’t want to know the plot but I’m guessing everyone that is concerned about having it ruined for them is under 4 and not able to read this post. So we’re all good to continue!

Cons:

  1. Peppa Pig episodes back to back with annoying interludes of ‘interaction’. Need I say more?
  2. The interaction segments had two kids or midgets dressed up in really poor foam Peppa and George outfits. Their arms didn’t even move. When George Pig played a set of drums, it was hilarious and embarrassing for the poor pig. Even the 2 year old looked a bit unconvinced at this bit. Why did they not think of this? I mean lets stick someone in a really shite dress up costume with flappy uncontrolled arms and then make them play the drums. Who’s running this show? Donald Trump?
  3. ‘Daisy’ the annoying interlude girl (who is probably a lovely person, sorry Daisy actress it’s not personal) made us want to cut off our own limbs. No-one is that happy all the time. She’s possibly a relative of Topsy and Tim’s mum.
  4. Daisy is really bad at playing the hot and cold game. Like, whatever she was searching for was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER EYES and she couldn’t see it. Maybe get an actress with better eye sight next time.
  5. One episode showed George pig using Daddy pig as a surfboard. This gives unrealistic ideas to small kids who want to then stick their dads in the nearest ocean and sail to France. Not cool.
  6. One episode showed the bunch of kids, errr I mean, animal cubs, or whatever they are, visiting The Queen at BHam Palace, just rocking up and ringing the doorbell and then The Queen only comes out and STEALS A BUS AND TAKES THEM ON A GUIDED TOUR OF LONDON. Fucking brilliant. Thanks for that Peppa Pig makers. I’ll let you explain to these impressionable kids why we can’t just pop along to the palace and ask The Queen to come out for a coffee with us. FFS.
  7. During the same Queen episode the children had to watch in horror whilst Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth 2nd then drove said stolen bus over Tower Bridge WHILST THE BRIDGE WAS LIFTED UP and then hang off the edge of the bridge without seeming mildly alarmed, only telling them all to ‘move to the front of the bus’ to tip the bus forward and back onto safety. Now WHAT THE FUCK. It was like watching the film Speed when the doomed bus jumps the road where there’s a segment missing and you watch through your hands hoping they make it.
  8. One episode showed them visiting a Zoo. Normal right? Well no, actually because all the characters are bloody animals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So what on God’s Green Earth do they lock up for ANIMALS TO LOOK AT? I half expected them to go to various ‘Human’ enclosures and see them cooing over men, women and children, all naked and living in in nature. But no, just other animals. Confusing or what?
  9. I may have got this bit wrong and looked away or fell asleep, but I’m sure on one episode they showed them flying to Australia in an open top plane. Wrong.
  10. In same Australia themed episodes, some Kangaroo character threw a Boomerang and it smashed the neighbours window. They then proceeded to smash 2 more of this guys windows, and then said ooops we better be leaving now, and left the poor neighbour with 3 broken windows. When my kid goes around smashing windows I’ll be sending the bill to the Peppa Pig director man. Not cool. The dads could have at least had a row about who was to blame and maybe a punch up, made it all the more realistic for everyone.
  11. My 7 year old halfway through, whilst watching one of the entertaining songs turned to me in a serious fashion and said “Mum, this is more like a horror”. Nuff said bro.

Pro’s:

  1. We laughed
  2. I didn’t feel bad about the toddler singing, jumping, laughing and shouting
  3. We went to a ‘Mini Morning’ showing at Vue so it cost us £10 for 4 of us rather than the usual £890.
  4. I was able to sit down, in a dark room for an hour
  5. The Toddler only trapped his knee 15 times, tried to run away twice, threw his drink over the seat in front 18 times and screamed at the wrong moment perhaps 32 times.

All in all a GREAT SUCCESS!

Ps. Yes this is written in jest, for all the whingebags who will complain 🙂

CHRISTMAS REALITY WITH KIDS!

CHRISTMAS REALITY WITH KIDS!

So, it’s allllmost December. Up til now you would have been in one of 2 camps:

Camp 1: It’s not Christmas yet. Calm the f*ck down.
Camp 2: It’s the season to be jolly, ding a ling a long long, *vomits tinsel*

Anyway, even those in Camp 1 cannot deny that December is almost upon us and therefore it is ALMOST BLOODY CHRISTMAS YOU ABSOLUTE GRINCH!

For parents, Christmas is joyous, it’s the time of year when you get to see your darling children’s little faces light up at the magic and wonder. You get to feel the anticipation of the day and all the excitement over again from when you was a child yourself.

Sometimes, the reality of Christmas isn’t quite what we imagine when we plan it out in our heads. Especially when involving Toddlers. Please see list below. I write this to prepare you for the reality. You are not alone!

christmas

Expectation: Excited Christmas countdown
Reality: Hearing “How many more sleeps til Christmas?” every day for what seems like 87 days

Expectation: Old school advent calendar
Reality: Nowadays its Elf on the Fricking Shelf. Exciting for first few days, annoying after that. Especially when you forget to move the Elf and have to get out of bed to do it.

Expectation: Christmas wish list wrote by child
Reality: Christmas list wrote by child amounting to over £5,000 worth of gadgets. Erm, what happened to wanting a hula hoop and a board game?  Having to prepare child that Santa can’t get you a Playstation 4 for every single room in the house, sorry about that dear.

Expectation: Watching your child in the Christmas play at school. How magical.
Reality: Watching the top of your child’s forehead in the school play because they’re at the back and you can’t see their face because TALL STAN in the other class is in front of them.

Expectation: Yummy food to be shared by family – boxes of Christmas choccies, drinks, nibbles…. joy
Reality: Toddler doesn’t care if it’s Christmas and WILL eat all the celebrations before you get to even smell them. Lucky if any Christmas treats make it to mid-December.

Expectation: Buying all your gifts in the January Sales or throughout the year thus being very prepared for this yearly festive period.
Reality: Did I mention panic buying? Buying crap that they don’t need just for stuff to open, of course your child needs more marbles for their stocking!!!!!!!!!!!! BUY BUY BUY

Expectation: Buying perhaps a Festive Jumper for the kids to wear on the day
Reality: Child needs a costume for the school play, a jumper for jumper day, to wear red green, and a special shade of brown on another day, money for the Christmas party, snacks, and a heap of other crap that you could do without

Expectation: Happy days visiting friends and relatives
Reality: Tired kids, enduring Uncle Ian telling you a story that you’ve heard 34 times already, downing alcohol to make it all bearable

Expectation: SNOW… children frolicking and squealing in delight at the white wonder before them on Christmas day
Reality: Cold, soggy if you’re lucky. They want to go and play on their new bike/scooter/skates in the pissing rain. Beautiful!

Expectation: Buying gifts for loved ones and wrapping them with care
Reality: Panic buying in mass and wrapping in haste when you realise it’s the day before Christmas Eve and you still haven’t got your shit together!

Expectation: Taking kids to visit Santa in his grotto. A nice picture as a keepsake.
Reality: Standing in a queue for 158 minutes to see a man who doesn’t even resemble Santa… Kids are scared shitless and cry. Picture is laughable.

Expectation: A beautiful Christmas Tree and house decorated beautifully to fill you all with the season of goodwill
Reality: A tree that looks like a child decorated it BECAUSE THEY BLOODY DID and decorations that are all REALLY high up otherwise the Toddler eats them. Tree ends up on side quite a lot and you wonder if maybe it looks better that way?

Expectation: Waking the kids at 8am on the big day because you’re so excited and want to see them opening their presents already!
Reality: Kids wake you at 3:06am and you wonder how you’ll make it through the day

Expectation: Kids playing with new toys all day, happy, laughing and full of wonder and joy
Reality: Kids are over tired, excited, full of sugar, and ungrateful. Especially Toddlers.

Expectation: A fantastic dinner
Reality: Squeezed around a table, hard to eat without hitting people with your elbows. Kids would rather have a Happy Meal

Expectation: Children have lovely new toys / gifts
Reality: Where on God’s Green Earth am I going to put all this stuff????????

So from me to you on this chilly November day. Merry Christmas parents. Hang on in there 🙂 x x

 

www.theunsungmum.com

Generate your button code