“I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat…”

“I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat…”

The words ring in your ears. Everything around you slows down and blurs. The words feel heavy on your skin as they sink in. You can feel your heart beating fast and loud and your chest begins to hurt. Your eyes swim with tears. You feel a slow numbness creep up your body from your toes, until you can’t feel yourself anymore.  You’re hot and numb.

It seems like you are rising up from yourself and looking at the scene from above. You are laying on the bed in the ultrasound room having your first pregnancy scan. Your husband is sitting down to your side, holding your hand. You feel his grip tighten, he’s stroking your hand now. The sonographer with the kind face is talking to you with a sombre expression but you feel as if you’re under water, you can’t quite hear her, but can see her lips moving. You want to scream & shout, even shake her but you are numb. You can’t move. You are laying there, hot tears running down your cheeks as you slowly start to realise you won’t be having a baby in 6 months time after all. The crashing realisation of what is happening engulfs you.

Your mind is racing with questions. Why is this happening to me? Did I do something wrong? Eat something wrong? Was I too stressed… did I do too much physically? Am I being punished? You glance at your husband and the look on his face makes you want to sob. You see your disappointment and anguish mirrored in his eyes. He puts an arm around you as the sonographer explains the next steps.

The sick pain in the pit of your stomach remains as you walk out of the ultrasound room. You’ve been asked to empty your bladder for an internal scan, just to be sure. You leave the room and it seems though everyone in the waiting room knows, they can see on your face that it isn’t good news. You look around at the happy, excited and expectant couples, all waiting for their own scans. You wish it was happening to them, not you. You’re jealous of their happiness. Why don’t they realise it’s not always a happy ending?

The vaginal scan confirms the same, as you knew it would. You see the consultant to book in your follow-up scan. The sheet of paper you are clutching in your hand reads ‘missed miscarriage?’ and you wonder how you missed this happening to you? Did your symptoms change? You question yourself over and over, and blame yourself for not being a good enough mum to this baby. Your body failed.

You leave the hospital, feeling exhausted, drained, and your head hurts from crying. The numbness remains. You’re walking and talking but you’re empty. Your husband doesn’t quite know what to say. You feel bad that he feels bad.

You find yourself waiting around for a week waiting for the next scan to double-check, just in case your dates were wrong. You know deep down that they are not, and that the next scan would not bring a miracle. You feel sick a the thought of living for a week knowing the baby inside you is not alive.  The plans you’d been making for this new baby have all been snatched away from you, in that one minute that you heard the words. You feel as though your whole life has changed now. This isn’t what was supposed to happen. It’s not fair. Why me? Why us?

In the days following, everyone tells you the same things over and over. It’s not your fault. It’s nature. It’s ‘one of those things’. It happens to lots of people. 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Some people ask if you will ‘try again’. You don’t want to try again. You want THIS baby. The baby you’re carrying. They don’t understand.

But the more you talk to others, you hear the comforting words: “It happened to me too” and you suddenly share an understanding with other women, who have been there, and had their hopes and dreams crushed too. You can’t believe how many women this happens to. You take comfort speaking to these women. They get it. They understand your pain & they have been in your shoes. You feel like people expect you to be ‘over it’ quite quickly and you feel bad that you are most definitely not over it, and won’t be for a long time. If ever.

Now, 3 years on. I still remember. I’m lucky to have my rainbow who is nearly 2. I feel lucky every single day that I have had 3 healthy babies. I’m grateful that my loss was very early on, so grateful, words can not explain.

I’ll always think of the baby I didn’t have though… it’ll never leave me.

For anyone who has been there, hi, and I’m really, really sorry that it happened to you.

For anyone who is experiencing this right now, please please talk to others who have been in your shoes. It’s completely OK to feel how you feel.  I personally found lots of help, advice and support on this online forum on a website called BabyCentre…  please go and take a look and talk to others who have been there.  It will help:

http://community.babycentre.co.uk/groups/a180235/coping_with_a_miscarriage

Sparkles & Stretchmarks Sunday Best

 

 

 

 

 

 

The best things in life are free!

The best things in life are free!

I am the first one to moan about the downsides to being a mum. It’s bloody hard work and it can downright stink sometimes. However, I also realise that sometimes, when things are good, my kids are very easily pleased.  The simple, easy, and free of cost things really do make them happy – and help keep me somewhat sane.

At the grand ages of (almost) 2, 6 and 7 years old, they still enjoy the simple things in life….

  1. Bubbles, chasing, blowing you know the drill
  2. Walking in the woods, collecting sticks/leaves etc
  3. Painting and drawing
  4. Watching a film together under a big blanket
  5. Chasing each other around the park
  6. Singing, dancing and acting silly
  7. Having a ‘sleepover’ together (sleeping on the floor!)
  8. Feeding ducks
  9. Playing ball games
  10. Reading books
  11. Hide a small item in the house and all hunt for it…
  12. Being ‘animals’ – get on all fours and do your best roar/growl/meow!

Playing in leaves.jpg

I feel like kids these days are so bothered about their gadgets and an iPad serves more interest than anything else, but actually, they do love all the above and more. I need to remember that when they are older, it will be a lot harder to entertain them with the simple things, and I will long for the days when they were this age. Time goes so fast, in the blink of an eye your baby develops into a child. I need to stop and slow down every day to watch them and embrace their innocence and everything that makes them brilliant.

Fresh air is the best medicine for feeling low, having a bad day, or just the usual crap that comes with being a mum. Getting outside, letting them run around a burn off some energy and take in the beautiful colours of this lovely season… it really does help.*

*Just mind the dog poo. Oh and brace yourself for the toddler face planting the floor over and over.

**When you return home, a nice hot cuppa tea is always in order. Or wine. Up to you 🙂

”chasingnature”/

Shouty Mum loses her shit & her voice

Shouty Mum loses her shit & her voice

Everyone hates the sound of their own voice…. right? I’ve yet to meet anyone who enjoys listening to themselves. Well one of the utterly shit things about being a mum is you have to listen to your own voice. ALL BLOODY DAY LONG. It’s gross. I feel like I want to rip out my voicebox and put it in the blender.

I hate that I am a shouty mum. If you had asked me before having kids would I ever shout at them, I would have laughed at you and thought you were mad. Shout at your darling children, the people who mean more to you than anything in the world????! Of course not.

Then, the little honey’s grow up. They ignore you, they test you, they push your buttons, they don’t get dressed when asked, or do much when asked at all. So you end up raising your voice just a little, to be heard. Add 2 more kids into the mix, and the next thing you know, you’re barking at them like Miss Trunchbull. Shit, I’m a shouty mum. I hate it.

I try every day to not shout, or to shout less. But the little fuckers people don’t listen every day. It drives me insane.

Then, a couple of days ago, I called to one of the kids and felt a funny pain in my neck/throat. Like a sharp pain.  All of a sudden, every time I spoke, moved my head etc, I got a searing pain in my neck. Lovely. After consulting Dr Google I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve strained my vocal chords from mis-using my voice. No shit, Sherlock.  As much as this is painful, and embarrassing, I realise just how much I bloody shout, even my vocal chords have had enough. So from here on in, I’m going to stop myself raising my voice even more than usual, and hopefully they will listen because they feel sorry for me and my sore neck.  What will actually happen is, they will take the piss because woopiedoo, mummy can’t shout at us.

If anyone has any tips on remaining calm and not shouting to be heard, I would seriously LOVE to hear them. I’ve tried lowering my voice to get across my seriousness, but they can’t hear me over the racket. I want to be calm, cool mum. Please help me!

Monday morning school run fun! (NOT)

Monday morning school run fun! (NOT)

 

Step-by-step guide on how to be a mum with school aged kids on a Monday morning. You’re welcome!

  1. Wake up before dawn with Monday hitting you in the face like a frying panmondays
  2. Wonder why the toddler hates you so much
  3. Feed him lots of food – whatever keeps him happy and quiet
  4. Sip a coffee with one eye closed and wonder how this became your life
  5. Make the most of the partial silence as toddler watches Teletubbies because soon the big 2 will wake and all hell will break loose
  6. Older kids wake up and are pissed off that it’s not the weekend still. You and me both kiddo!
  7. They don’t want any of the 10 breakfast options that you have for them
  8. Can they have crisps for breakfast?
  9. Regret not doing packed lunches the night before – WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?!
  10. Break up 2 fights, clear up cheerios and milk off the table again because toddler has no self control and wants to wear the bowl as a hat
  11. Rescue toddler from standing on top of the table dancing in milk
  12. Shout at Remind bigger kids to get dressed 45 times
  13. Convince eldest that he does need to wear clean underwear every day
  14. Stop toddler putting random bits of uniform in the bin
  15. Listen to diva daughter moaning about having her hair styled for school
  16. Resist hitting her with the hair brush
  17. Get yourself washed dressed and ready in 2 minutes flat because HOW FUCKING DARE YOU DO ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF!
  18. Toddler empties 3 cupboards and starts eating something off the floor which you hope is something from breakfast today
  19. Oversee tooth brushing by saying ‘BRUSH’ over and over again
  20. Help find shoes because your kids have ‘selective kid blindness’
  21. Sort out an itchy sock
  22. Stop toddler climbing in the fish tank
  23. Referee argument over who got ready first or who gets to walk out of the door first… (yes really, kids argue over this shit!)
  24. Toddler decides to do a huge dump just as you are walking out of the door
  25. Leave the house looking like you’ve been burgled
  26. Wonder why school starts so bloody early

If you have these crazy morning experiences like me *please say someone else does!* I’d love for you to LIKE this post and SHARE with other mums who might empathise!

Thank you xx

 

You Baby Me Mummy
Parent’s meeting at school FML

Parent’s meeting at school FML

Parent’s meeting attendance with your spirited pre-schooler.

These sort of things may happen to you during a parent teacher meeting:

  • Toddler screams
  • Toddler tries to escape room 32 times
  • Toddler successfully escapes twice
  • Toddler touches teachers leg 45 times
  • Toddler wants to ‘paint’ aka draw and screams ‘paint’ 98 times
  • Toddler hides under chair and won’t come out 5 times
  • Toddler wipes snot on chair
  • Toddler finds sharp pins and begins to play with them
  • Teacher laughs nervously every time toddler does all of the above
  • Toddler doesn’t give any fucks about his siblings progress at school, not one
  • Toddler hates you for bringing him to this boring room of no fun
  • Toddler doesn’t want to watch Peppa bloody Pig on your phone! for the first time ever
  • Toddler for the first time in history, doesn’t want snacks or to play with the handy crayons you brought to keep him occupied either….
  • Toddler becomes angel of all that is good and pure as soon as you leave the school and begin walking home

Handy tips:

  1. Leave toddler at home with a trusted adult to supervise them in your absence
  2. It’s your own fault for bringing toddler to the meeting
  3. Go home and cry into your tea about how your toddler is such a dick and makes you look like an even bigger dick of a mum

 

 

tea

 

Having a child at Primary School – expectations vs reality!

Having a child at Primary School – expectations vs reality!

When your little angel starts school there’s SO many emotions running wild on your part. You worry that they will need help, no-one will help them, they won’t have friends, they will be lonely, they will piss their pants, or worse, shit themselves. You think they might wonder where you are and why have you left them with all these strangers. You want them to be happy, liked and to enjoy it. On that first day you feel your heart has been stamped on when you walk away from the gate and leave your most precious thing in the world with total strangers. In most cases they love school, they come bounding from the gate at home time and all your worries are gone! You now have a child at the school! Welcome to the club!

school

Expectations of having a child at school:

1. Mornings spent eating breakfast together, chatting about their day ahead, everyone is ready and out the door clutching their book bags and lunch boxes… leisurely walks to school admiring the clouds and trees.

2. Your child brings home beautiful artwork / maths sheets for you to look over and display proudly on the fridge, your child is a genius!

3. You engage with lovely chat with other parents at the school about your children’s new schooling, perhaps having a coffee with a few of them after drop off. Like minded people all brought together by their children’s education.

4. Your child speaks fondly of their day, regaling you with tales of what Johnny did at break time that was so funny or a hilarious joke the teacher made during Phonics. Along with their new understanding of times tables.

5. Homework. You sit with your child whilst they complete their homework, perhaps giving guidance and advice whilst occasionally stirring the delicious home-made dinner that’s cooking on the stove.

6. Friends. Your child will make so many new friends, after school play dates are a-plenty. Heartwarming.

7. Uniform. They look so cute in their smart uniform. Always so polished and grown up.

Reality of having a child at school:

1. Mornings are spent telling everyone to “HURRY UP OR WE WILL BE LATE!” or “PUT YOUR SOCKS ON FOR THE 10TH TIME!” Children do not want to eat breakfast / get dressed or leave the house for school. Getting small people dressed every day within a time limit is one of the most underestimated tasks of motherhood. I’m crazy shouty mummy in the mornings. Otherwise we would all be late. Every day. They forget shit. Book bags? What book bag? “THE ONE YOU TAKE TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY DIPSHIT DARLING!”

2. Your child brings home approximately 57 pieces of paper per week. Some of them are indeed lovely artwork that I treasure and put on the fridge. Most of it is random scribbles, notes from other kids, someone else’s work, and screwed up bits of crap. The kid then cries when they find said screwed up paper in the bin! “Mummy I brought that home for you!!” they say with a look like you’ve just shat in their cornflakes. I’ve been guilted into keeping lots of crap.

3. You enter into School Mum hell. It’s a bloody minefield. Don’t get me wrong, you can and will make friends with a few nice normal mums. I have made some lovely friends at the school. However, you will find more drama with the mums than with the kids. Mums in cliques, mums falling out, mums who look at you like your from another planet. The odd dad and nan of course. Smile and say good morning, and get in and out as quick as you can. Unless of course, you have a toddler that wants to run laps of the field on the way in and out every day. Then smile and scream internally. Someone should definitely invent a drop off toddler crèche place at the school gate, so those blessed with under 5’s can leave them at the gate each morning with trusted carers and not have to round the child up like a sheep twice a day.

4. Your child has no idea what they did all day. At all. “How was your day today?” you ask them wanting to hear all about it. “Good” they answer…. hmmm “What did you do today?” you ask. “Nothing” NOTHING????? NOTHING? YOU SPENT 6 HOURS AT SCHOOL GETTING AN EDUCATION AND YOU DID NOTHING! “Can’t remember” is another common answer. They can never remember what they did. Sometimes they will shock you by saying “Oh today, guess what…” and proceed to tell you a story about how someone was sick on the carpet and had to go home. Lovely.

5. Homework. Oh lord. Your child may be enthusiastic about homework, but eventually, they don’t want to do it. Boring. They want to do it tomorrow, they don’t understand it. As they progress through school, sometimes even YOU don’t understand it. Google is your friend here. Also helping children with homework sounds easy enough. The screaming toddler swinging from the light shade makes it harder. Do not be defeated.

6. Friends. Your child will of course make friends. However, they will also make enemies! Arch enemies. Girls are terrible for this. This one isn’t speaking to them anymore, they aren’t friends with another one. Jenny is now their best friend. “But I thought Jenny was mean to you yesterday?” you will ask. Don’t be silly mother! Friendships at school are cut throat and fickle. Just roll with it and hope they aren’t being violent to any of these people. Unless someone hits them first, of course.

7. Uniform will be the bane of your life. You have to wash and iron it and have it ready for them to wear EVERY SINGLE WEEK DAY. They walk into class all neat and tidy in the mornings and come home looking like they’ve been dragged through a hedge, backwards. Their jumpers will have paint / yogurt / snot down in. Boys have their trousers put on backwards, you know after P.E. Hair looks a mess. Collars sticking up. They lose uniform. “Go and look on your peg again dear” you will say with gritted teeth for the 100th time this week. JUST KEEP YOUR BLOODY CLOTHES ON!!!

8. I have to add this one, even though there’s no expectation no 8. School may bring some nasties to your house that you never even dreamed of. Some kids may have already experienced this stuff in nursery etc. But school is a lovely breeding ground for:
– Nits. Head lice. Lovely creepy crawlies running around in your child’s hair. Gag.
– Worms. Little tiny white thread worms that make your kids bum itch in the night. Boil wash everything, clean everything in sight, cry into a cup of tea and wonder why on Earth no-one warned you about this sort of stuff when your baby was newborn.
– Chickenpox. Stay indoors for all eternity and go insane.
– Hand foot and mouth. Goody.
– Stomach bugs. There’s nothing that raises fear in a parent than to hear of a nasty bug going round the school.

Sparkles & Stretchmarks Sunday Best
Mother knows best… doesn’t she?

Mother knows best… doesn’t she?

When you have a baby, usually it’s because you are in love with someone and want to produce little mini humans to share your life, hopes, dreams and family with. Sometimes you find yourself pregnant by surprise, and you aren’t sure you want a baby, but you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy and have a baby. Some people try for years to get their bundle of love in their arms, experiencing heartache, loss and many tears. Some fall pregnant easily. Some people adopt. Some have a baby via surrogate. Whatever your situation, however you found yourself here – you now have a new role that you’ve never had any training in (even if you think you have!), being a ‘mum’ means all of a sudden you are the whole world to a tiny person, who needs you, every inch of you. Being a mum isn’t a job you can quit from, you can’t call in sick, and lunch breaks are few and far between.


Babies are hard work, we all know this. They need feeding, comfort, love, changing, cleaning and constant care. When you have a baby you think this stage lasts forever, it feels like sleepless nights and nappies never end. Oh the crying! You are trapped in a cycle that means you put someone else’s needs before your own. You’re exhausted. It’s gotta get easier right? WRONG!
Then your baby grows, becomes a toddler (see here for my views on them at the moment:My Toddler is an asshole!) and the hard work continues, just in a different way. The toddler grows again, into a child, and all of a sudden, there’s a LOT of questions. The child questions you about the big wide world, how did we get here, why does this and that happen, and you start to realise you might not actually have all the answers. You in turn question yourself. Why don’t I know the answer to this? Should I? Where’s the mum manual? I don’t know all the answers! Help! Am I cut out for this?

 

There’s so much pressure to do things one way or the other. Are you a gentle parent? A routine based parent? Strict?  Rewards/naughty step? Attached, comfort, love, no punishments? Breastfeeding/bottle feeding? Weaning early/BLW? Is your child allowed screen time? Are you an outdoorsy mum? A craft mum? Football mum? How are you going to shape this child into being a decent, loving, happy, rounded, emotionally stable human being…. when you’re not even sure that’s what YOU are at the moment?

 

Well the point of this post (I’m getting there slowly!) is that yes you are the mum and you do know best for your own child. Trust your instincts. Of course ask for advice if you need it (we all need it!), but you are the BEST person to care for your child because no-one else loves your child like you do. No-one else has their interests at the forefront of their priorities like you do.  You are absolutely the best mum for your child/ren. You know best. Doubting yourself is part and parcel with being a mum. That mummy guilt that niggles at the back of your mind with every decision you make is only there because you care. Do your research, ask people but ultimately YOU know what to do. Even if you think you don’t!

 

Also, with this in mind, and on the flip side. You are allowed to not have all the answers. You are the mum but you are not the information central of the world. You may have to sneakily Google stuff, we all do (thank you Google!) How did my mum survive without Google? But it’s OK for you to not know everything. I’ve found my Big Boy doing stuff in first year Junior school that I didn’t do til Secondary. I can’t remember some of this stuff! But that’s okay. *

 

So this is sort of a shoutout to mums (and dads of course, but I’m a mum!) everywhere. You are amazing, you are exactly what your child needs and you are the best parent for your children. If you have the awful guilt or the constant worry about things then it just means you care and you want the best for them. Don’t beat yourself up for the little things, no parent is perfect. Even the ones that seem to be. Just be yourself, try to do your best every day. Some days you’ll shout, cry or want to run away. That’s okay, everyone feels this way at some time. Some more than others, but everyone is different, no two children or families are the same.

 

Trust yourself, give yourself the credit you deserve, and try to keep a positive attitude. Motherhood will be the hardest thing you ever have to do. But it also will be the best thing.

 

Please share this post with a mum who you think needs to hear those magic words:

 YOU ARE A FANTASTIC MUM!!!!

Disclaimer – I need to remember all of the above myself, as I am the worst for thinking I suck at this job. But today I’m giving myself a pat on the back. I am a mum and I am the best mum to my three demons darlings.

*Please note I have no idea on the trials that come with having teenage or older children – my biggest is 7 and this is hard enough! Here’s a nod to the mums of teenagers, you did it this long! Keep going! xx
My Toddler is an asshole

My Toddler is an asshole

The Toddler is nearly 2. I think he must have recently received a memo from The King Toddler to tell him to start being an asshole.

DEAR TODDLER, AS YOU NEAR YOUR SECOND BIRTHDAY, IT’S TIME TO NOW ACT LIKE A DICK IN ORDER TO MAKE YOUR MOTHER’S LIFE HARDER. SHE’S HAD IT EASY LATELY. SO STEP UP YOUR GAME, SIR, OR ELSE YOU’LL BE CAST OUT OF TODDLER WORLD FOREVER, LOVE, THE KING ASSHOLE TODDLER XX

He doesn’t want to sit in the pram, when he’s out of the pram he wants to run away/run into roads/pick up dog poo etc. I’ve tried reins, he hates them. Doesn’t want to hold hands. Just wants to run far away from me. Which would be fine if it wasn’t my job in life to keep him alive.

He doesn’t want to eat. When he does want to eat its when I have NO BLOODY BANANAS left because you threw them all on the floor and stamped on them!!! Ooops, went off on a tangent there. Anyway where was I, oh yes, bananas. When I do have bananas they are too yellow, or too small, or big. Unless we are at someone else’s house, then he eats everything and makes me look like a liar. Meals get thrown on the floor, or ignored. But CHOC CHOC is requested all day every day. Sometimes I just give him the bloody choc choc. There, mummy’s broken today, go eat the fricking Twix and give me 5 mins peace. Thank you please.

He doesn’t want to sleep. Unless I am just about to pull up to a nice country park for a walk in the fresh air. Now he sleeps…. So I have to wake him and take him for a ‘I’ve just been woken up’ toddler walk which basically means he falls over into mud 800 times. Moans about being dirty. Doesn’t want to walk. Wants to sleep. Joy.  Normally you want to run but right now, lets sit in mud and cry.

He doesn’t want to share. I know this is developmental, and nearly 2 year old’s don’t understand sharing. But it’s annoying when you’re at a playgroup and sharing is THE THING to do. Especially when Diane’s little boy is sharing SO NICELY over there and makes my child look like even more of an a-hole!

He doesn’t want me to play with him. Until it’s time for me to cook dinner that no-one will eat. THEN he wants me to play. Usually ends up with him clinging onto my legs and crying whilst I try to cook something that everyone will like (this never happens by the way!)  I used to let him play on the floor with pots and pans etc… He doesn’t want to do that anymore. Get with the programme mummy!

legs

He doesn’t want his nappy changed. Apart from when HE decides to strip his clothes and nappy off, just after doing a mammoth poo. He chooses to do this whilst I have happened to visit the toilet and leave the room for a whole 2 minutes. Silly mummy. No, worries, I’ll clean up the poop from every surface in the room. *cries*

It seems like he’s out to break me. He may already have done, actually.

Disclaimer – I know all of the above is normal toddler behaviour. I’ve had 2 toddlers before…. a year apart. I’ve been here before. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that this age is SUCH hard work. It’s constant, battling of wills, fast paced and difficult to try to reason with a little person who HAS no reason. I love him to bits, but he stresses me out so much! 🙂

In fairness to toddlers, he’s very cute. Getting really clever learning colours and numbers. Likes animals. I know he won’t be an asshole toddler forever. I will long for these crazy toddler days when all he wants from me is wifi, food and money.

Please share your toddler stories so I know I’m not alone here!

www.theunsungmum.com
Shit Sunday

Shit Sunday

Sunday! Funday? NO!

Sunday’s are crap. You know the weekend is almost over. The mound of un-ironed school uniform screams at you “Time’s up, bitch!”.

Sundays also go so quickly. One minute is 10am, then it’s 5pm. Boooo! Go away evil weekend stealer.

I spend hours ironing and muttering how I should have done all this before now. Especially this Sunday when it’s the end of half term and I’ve had an extra week to get it done! (Must stop putting off things to last minute, always bites you in the ass!)

The only silver lining on the cloud of Sunday is the lovely roast dinner I’ll be eating and won’t have cooked *high five mum!* and later when the kids are all in bed and I’ll be watching The X Factor results show, complaining again that the knob that is Honey G surely has to leave this week?????

So far today, the delights of motherhood have included:

  • The Big Boy having a nosebleed because the Toddler punched him in the nose
  • The Toddler emptying a packet of baby wipes whilst I dared to try and tidy up and not pay him attention for a whole minute – WHY OH WHY DO THEY DO THIS?
  • The big 2 doing play dough really nicely together but insisting to show me their creations every 12 seconds…. yes that’s lovely but make something more detailed next time!
  • Being woken at 5:30am by the Biggest (FUCK YOU DAYLIGHT SAVINGS WHATEVER!)
  • The Toddler screaming BUBBLES at me for daring to blow bubbles with him a week ago and now he thinks it’s a daily hourly occurrence!

Happy Sunday people! I hope you’re all getting to eat some yummy food that you may or may not have cooked yourself… Oh and power and strength to the mums out there who’s kids have ANOTHER week of half term…mine don’t. Thankfully!

 

 

Friday Nights, mum style!

Friday Nights, mum style!

It’s the weekend! Friday night… oh this used to be my favourite night of the week. Before children, of course.  When I used to go out and socialise and spend the weekend throwing as much alcohol down my neck as I could and laying in bed. Not at the same time…Obvs.

Now it’s the night I realise I have no school to bring light relief for TWO WHOLE DAYS…. and two whole days of trying to entertain them and remain sane.  But it’s also the end of half term so right now we’re in the middle of a whole lotta entertaining them.

As I type right now, I sit in bed with The Toddler whilst he drinks his milk (in a bottle… no f*cks given!) and watch The Gruffalo. I do this every night now. It’s his new favourite thing to do. He screams “WATCH SNAKE!” at me around 30 times a day.  He doesn’t speak too well so he actually says “WAH NAKE!” but I know what he means.

It’s quite nice actually. Coz The Gruffalo goes on for hours (or like, 25 minutes) so it gives me some time to snooze/gaze at my phone or generally be in darkness and quietness. Sometimes the big kids join me, sometimes they don’t. But everyone’s quiet whilst we watch the bloody mouse walking through the woods again.

Anyway, I hope your Friday night is as cool as mine. Here’s some interesting things I’ll be doing:

1. Clearing up food off the floor, muttering swear words to myself about why I’m the only f*cker who clears up around here.

2. Finding socks stuffed down the side of the sofa/behind the curtains/under the rug/anywhere The Big Boy thinks I won’t see them. He has a sock aversion. Takes them off and hides them.

3. Wondering how it’s already the end of the half term week and all that washing I was going to catch up on hasn’t yet been done. Poop.

4. Refereeing an argument between the Big Two kids over some inane subject like who smiled at who in a funny way or who was the last one to feed the fish.

5. Putting everyone to bed more than once and threatening something I probably won’t follow through with, like no iPad for 2 years…..

I’ll also have a nice hot cuppa and hopefully watch some educational TV like TOWIE or Eastenders. Rock n Roll!

Have a lovely evening anyone who reads this. Remember when the kids are older we’ll all be doing vodka shots in the eyeball again.