Step-by-step guide on how to be a mum with school aged kids on a Monday morning. You’re welcome!
- Wake up before dawn with Monday hitting you in the face like a frying pan
- Wonder why the toddler hates you so much
- Feed him lots of food – whatever keeps him happy and quiet
- Sip a coffee with one eye closed and wonder how this became your life
- Make the most of the partial silence as toddler watches Teletubbies because soon the big 2 will wake and all hell will break loose
- Older kids wake up and are pissed off that it’s not the weekend still. You and me both kiddo!
- They don’t want any of the 10 breakfast options that you have for them
- Can they have crisps for breakfast?
- Regret not doing packed lunches the night before – WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?!
- Break up 2 fights, clear up cheerios and milk off the table again because toddler has no self control and wants to wear the bowl as a hat
- Rescue toddler from standing on top of the table dancing in milk
Shout atRemind bigger kids to get dressed 45 times
- Convince eldest that he does need to wear clean underwear every day
- Stop toddler putting random bits of uniform in the bin
- Listen to diva daughter moaning about having her hair styled for school
- Resist hitting her with the hair brush
- Get yourself washed dressed and ready in 2 minutes flat because HOW FUCKING DARE YOU DO ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF!
- Toddler empties 3 cupboards and starts eating something off the floor which you hope is something from breakfast today
- Oversee tooth brushing by saying ‘BRUSH’ over and over again
- Help find shoes because your kids have ‘selective kid blindness’
- Sort out an itchy sock
- Stop toddler climbing in the fish tank
- Referee argument over who got ready first or who gets to walk out of the door first… (yes really, kids argue over this shit!)
- Toddler decides to do a huge dump just as you are walking out of the door
- Leave the house looking like you’ve been burgled
- Wonder why school starts so bloody early
If you have these crazy morning experiences like me *please say someone else does!* I’d love for you to LIKE this post and SHARE with other mums who might empathise!
Thank you xx