The Toddler is nearly 2. I think he must have recently received a memo from The King Toddler to tell him to start being an asshole.
DEAR TODDLER, AS YOU NEAR YOUR SECOND BIRTHDAY, IT’S TIME TO NOW ACT LIKE A DICK IN ORDER TO MAKE YOUR MOTHER’S LIFE HARDER. SHE’S HAD IT EASY LATELY. SO STEP UP YOUR GAME, SIR, OR ELSE YOU’LL BE CAST OUT OF TODDLER WORLD FOREVER, LOVE, THE KING ASSHOLE TODDLER XX
He doesn’t want to sit in the pram, when he’s out of the pram he wants to run away/run into roads/pick up dog poo etc. I’ve tried reins, he hates them. Doesn’t want to hold hands. Just wants to run far away from me. Which would be fine if it wasn’t my job in life to keep him alive.
He doesn’t want to eat. When he does want to eat its when I have NO BLOODY BANANAS left because you threw them all on the floor and stamped on them!!! Ooops, went off on a tangent there. Anyway where was I, oh yes, bananas. When I do have bananas they are too yellow, or too small, or big. Unless we are at someone else’s house, then he eats everything and makes me look like a liar. Meals get thrown on the floor, or ignored. But CHOC CHOC is requested all day every day. Sometimes I just give him the bloody choc choc. There, mummy’s broken today, go eat the fricking Twix and give me 5 mins peace. Thank you please.
He doesn’t want to sleep. Unless I am just about to pull up to a nice country park for a walk in the fresh air. Now he sleeps…. So I have to wake him and take him for a ‘I’ve just been woken up’ toddler walk which basically means he falls over into mud 800 times. Moans about being dirty. Doesn’t want to walk. Wants to sleep. Joy. Normally you want to run but right now, lets sit in mud and cry.
He doesn’t want to share. I know this is developmental, and nearly 2 year old’s don’t understand sharing. But it’s annoying when you’re at a playgroup and sharing is THE THING to do. Especially when Diane’s little boy is sharing SO NICELY over there and makes my child look like even more of an a-hole!
He doesn’t want me to play with him. Until it’s time for me to cook dinner that no-one will eat. THEN he wants me to play. Usually ends up with him clinging onto my legs and crying whilst I try to cook something that everyone will like (this never happens by the way!) I used to let him play on the floor with pots and pans etc… He doesn’t want to do that anymore. Get with the programme mummy!
He doesn’t want his nappy changed. Apart from when HE decides to strip his clothes and nappy off, just after doing a mammoth poo. He chooses to do this whilst I have happened to visit the toilet and leave the room for a whole 2 minutes. Silly mummy. No, worries, I’ll clean up the poop from every surface in the room. *cries*
It seems like he’s out to break me. He may already have done, actually.
Disclaimer – I know all of the above is normal toddler behaviour. I’ve had 2 toddlers before…. a year apart. I’ve been here before. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that this age is SUCH hard work. It’s constant, battling of wills, fast paced and difficult to try to reason with a little person who HAS no reason. I love him to bits, but he stresses me out so much! 🙂
In fairness to toddlers, he’s very cute. Getting really clever learning colours and numbers. Likes animals. I know he won’t be an
asshole toddler forever. I will long for these crazy toddler days when all he wants from me is wifi, food and money.
Please share your toddler stories so I know I’m not alone here!